Shame is a difficult emotion to manage because it can fuel or hide inside many different responses. It can cause one to withdraw and hide, or it can cause one to lash out, at themself or others. And most often it can fuel negative self talk, insulting or blaming oneself. “I’m disgusting.” “I’m worthless.” It’s easy to get caught in a shame spiral, the negative self taking control. This negative feedback loop can become so deeply ingrained that shame becomes paramount to one’s sense of self. This negative feedback loop can be brought on by feelings of embarrassment or unworthiness, triggered by feelings of failure, rejection, guilt, or even alienation from others.
Consider, for example, someone with a sexual fetish. They may think of themself as a sexual deviant and feel great shame about engaging in their desires. Because of this shame, they aren’t able to fully enjoy the experience and engage with their sexual partners, or they may even avoid sexual encounters altogether. But their fetish doesn’t harm anyone, except maybe in the case of a masochist or sadist ;) If their fetish doesn’t harm anyone else without consent, what is there to feel ashamed of?
The Christian ideals that control our society say that sex is perverse and especially so sex that's outside of the realm of "normalcy," aka missionary under the covers with the lights off. Anyone who indulges in a fetish is automatically sick and perverse and doomed to Hell in the eyes of Christianity. To apply this concept more broadly, Christianity punishes anything outside of the norm it has established. Many people have been made to feel ashamed of aspects of their identity whether they are queer or mentally ill or anything beyond the binary. Satan tells us that there is nothing to be ashamed of. He invites us to embrace these aspects of ourselves and live deliciously.
So, then, how do we do that? The shameful behaviors or aspects of self need to be brought into the light. Resisting the urge to hide is the first step in healing from unhealthy shame. Shame thrives on isolation and secrecy, it is essential not to hide it in order to heal it. Once these aspects have been revealed, they can begin to be embraced. Radical self acceptance and self actualization, being able to be one's true self, is the end stage of abandoning shame.
Self compassion is, in some ways, the opposite of shame. In order to combat shame, one needs to find a way to respect and empathize with themself, as they would a friend. Most of us are harsher on ourselves than we ever would be to someone else and it can be helpful to reframe your shameful thoughts and feelings in a way that invites compassion and mercy. When we are able to approach these feelings with empathy, they become less controlling.
Satan encourages his followers to shed their feelings of shame and embrace their true desires and their true selves. It can be easy to fall into a thought spiral and society at large may even encourage this but with the strength of Satan’s will to guide, these chains of negativity can be broken and overcome.